Paradise Lost
by Mitsukai Mizu Amaya
Summary: Why are people the way they are? Who decides who is good and evil? Are we all just a product of the times...? No one is born evil, everyone has their own tale to tell. This is her story; Ultimecia's story.
1. I am Ultimecia

**Author's Note:** I'll get on Angelus Lacrima, I swear! xD;; I've just got an Final Fantasy muse explosion, sorry! The next chapter is nearly done, okies? No killing the nice author~ Also, this fanfic has just been rotting away on my comp for a few months, I decided to post it when I got inspiration. So, technically, it's OLDER the Angelus Lacrima. xD

**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned Square Enix, then I could make a sequel to FFIX like there should be! Wait… this is an FFVIII fanfiction? Oops…

* * *

Prologue

**I am Ultimecia**

"_Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived."_

– _Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek_

* * *

I was called mad. If this is true madness, then so be it. I shall be mad. Murder, witch, devil incarnate, whore, monster; these were the names with which I was raised to call those known as 'Sorceress'. Raised in this bias, I foolishly believed that a sorceress is born pure evil.

Oh how wrong I was.

A sorceress is but a product of their time. A product of her upbringing. The succession of witches cannot be cut off, cannot vanish from this world. Sorceress Adel was a ruthless tyrant, yet Sorceress's Edea and Rinoa are heralded as saints.

But none of them… _none of them had to go through what I did._

The pain… the suffering… I was an innocent once too. No, worse then that… I was a SeeD! A SeeD and I was treated that way… tortured, manipulated, ran down until there was nothing left. I became as the Phoenix, rising from the ashes of my former self and taking on the role others had given me.

_I am Ultimecia._

That name was not the one I was born with. History has recorded the battle between the 'valiant SeeDs' against the 'evil Sorceress Ultimecia'. What parent would give their child that name, knowing what it would put them through in the long run? Hah! No… I was not _born_ Ultimecia, I was _made_ Ultimecia. Made into this being, no humanity left in me, by the very society that I grew up in. My friends, my parents, _those I trusted_ all turned on me. Destroyed what was left of 'Seraphim' and created 'Ultimecia'.

They wanted an 'Evil Sorceress' so I gave them one!

And one by one they all fell to my magic. Call me mad, if you will; I may be the only sane one left in this dead world. A world in which even a child cannot live their life happily so long as they wear the scorn of 'Sorceress'. I wear it proudly! Proud to stand up to this injustice… this persecution I have faced for so long.

What right do you have to judge me? It is the unjust persecution, the judging, of my 'friends' and 'family' that led us to this point. Led me to the desire to end it all. End it all and usher forth a bright new future for myself and for all the Sorceresses before me. Is that really so wrong? To want to be free from this oppressive fate that was pushed onto me by others?

_I am Ultimecia._

They killed them. My parents; butchered like animals for having a daughter inherit the powers of a Sorceress. My own group, the SeeD, burned by house to the ground. Killed my family; killed all that I knew.

The SeeD killed Seraphim; now I am Ultimecia.

They killed their own kind to come after me… come after me for being who I was, _what_ I was. To the people, what a Sorceress had done in the past was all the fault of a young, innocent little teenage girl. Oh yes, even I was innocent once.

I loved picking flowers; my house and the fields around it were always covered in flowers. All types, all shapes, colors; just fields of beauty stretching far. My room was covered in artwork, paintings of the flowers, of my friends, and of my fellow SeeD.

The house I grew up in was a happy one; it was brightly furnished and welcoming. A happy home with a happy family. I was a SeeD, my mother a gardener, and my father owned a shop in Balamb. We lived by Winhill; the only way to commute to school and work was by teleportation pads in the ciy; a technology released to the rest of the world by Esthar shortly after the fall of Ultimecia at the hands of Squall and his friends.

Squall was my role model, my childhood hero. Looking back, I realize now that I am more like his lover Rinoa. We both have a person we wanted to spend our life with, both wanted a time to just stand still. Both of us had happiness. Once.

_I am Ultimecia._

They killed him. Their own leader, charged with the crime of standing up for his Sorceress. My knight died in my arms, and it was that moment I become who I am. Cast away my conscious, my humanity, and became the ruthless Sorceress from the stories. How they screamed, how they begged for forgiveness… what leniency should I show them when none would be given to me? To _their own leader._ None. They died like the filthy, cursed, disgusting, vile little SeeDs they were; begging for mercy.

Some even had a worse fate. Trapped in an eternal spiral by my magic, never dying yet wishing for it all the while. This was their punishment; revenge for the deaths of my family. Revenge for the deaths of my friends.

Revenge for the death of Mitsuru.

So many innocent people dead because of an unjust bias against me. So many… none of them deserved life any longer. The moment my family and friends were struck down, I knew they would all meet the same end. I would see to it.

Then I would create a perfect world, one where I could finally be free, finally be happy once more. A world full of flowers, full of life and beauty… with those responsible cursed and tormented as they had done to me for all eternity.

And what finer way to enact the perfect revenge then to refute the very story, the very history, that led to the condemnation and destruction of everything I held dear?

_I am Ultimecia._

They will be here soon. Time Compression has begun. I will see to it that history does no unfold as preordained. The SeeDs will perish, and with them the obstacles left in my way. Once they were gone… I will become as a god. A god with reign over every soul, over time itself. The world will be remade to reward the persecuted and punish the persecutors, give us Sorceresses back the happiness we rightfully deserved.

How many senseless deaths, how many murders, have happened in the name of both following and opposing a Sorceress? None of us are born to want the deaths of our family and friends at the hands of the unworthy traitors. Yet we have lost everything from the moment that power enters our bodies.

We are feared, we are hated, we are persecuted. To the rest of the world, the 'gift' of sorcery is a disease, one that must be stamped out, trampled over, decimated until naught a bit of it remains. It is not the power that makes us evil, it is those that destroy our humanity that send us over the edge.

Would my life have been different if I had not inherited the Sorceress power? Yes. Would my family and friends still be alive? Yes. Would Mitsuru still be by my side. Yes.

The Sorceress power inside me grows with each part of time absorbed into me. Soon will come the time for recompence. Soon I will bring them all back. Soon the last of the SeeDs will perish.

Mother, Father, Irina, Chris, Leon, Sarah, Heather… I am sorry.

Mitsuru…

Mitsuru… we will be together again soon.

_I am Ultimecia._

* * *

**Author's Note:** This has been a fanfic rolling around in my head for years. The story behind why Ultimecia did what she did. I'm too lazy to get into the whole 'history is recorded, they would have known Ultimecia was coming' thing… so go read the giant Time/Ultimecia analysis on gamefaqs. A very good an enlightening work. Anyway, that's the prologue! I'll get to Angelus Lacrima soon, I swear! xDD

**CHAPTER ONE PREVIEW**

_"What are you doing over here all alone?"_

_"…"_

_"What, shy? How about I keep you company. What's your name? Mine's Mitsuru Leonhart."_

_"… I… I'm Seraphim… Seraphim Kramer…"_


	2. A New Beginning

**Author's Notes:** Here's the first chapter! I have another FFIX one to put up soon… it's a story, not a one-shot. And the next chapter of Angelus Lacrima should be out soon, too! ^^

**Disclaimer:** I do not own FFVIII or anything related to it or Square Enix. I live off of Social Security money. xD

* * *

Chapter One

**A New Beginning**

_I can feel them coming. Compression is nearly complete. Soon, soon it will all be over. Soon I will see them all again. I will have my happiness, my life, returned to me. Time will freeze at that time, in that place. I wish to remain there forever…_

_The door opens and I slowly open my eyes, gazing coldly at the ones below me. How do they dare to interfere with my happiness? There is Squall Leonhart… the ancestor of my love. Rinoa Heartilly, his lover; Quistis Trepe, Selphie Tilmitt, Irvine Kinneas, and Zell Dincht. The SeeD 'destined' to face me. Those 'destined' to destroy me. _

_It will not happen. I will not let it happen. Slowly I close my eyes again, seeing all my family, all my friends, perish once more. Their pain… their anger… their suffering; it is all my fuel. I shall not fail; I will be with them again. With Mitsuru again._

"_...SeeD... SeeD......SeeD...... SeeD, SeeD, SeeD! Kurse all SeeDs."_

* * *

I had finally passed the exam. It was my first try, too; from what my teachers told me it is rare for a student to pass the exam on their first try. Some, like that historical figure Seifer Almasy, never even pass at all. It was strange though… the exam didn't seem as hard as everyone told us it was. Even though my physical scores were low, I made up for it in the mental abilities category. I had passed the Field Exam by pure accident, probably. Had the luck on being in the team with the most experienced in my class. The only other people to pass this year were Christopher Almasy and Sarah Kinneas, my only two real friends.

They both had lived in Balamb Garden all their lives; I was only ever there for classes. Now, as a SeeD, I would be expected to live on campus so to be ready for missions as a moments notice. Even with my grandfather as headmaster, it would be hard to adjust. He… doesn't like me very much.

I had never been away from home for so long.

Mom and Dad told me I would be okay, that they would send me care packages everyday. But that still didn't make it easy to leave them and my twin little sisters Mio and Mayu. They were only little babies… sometimes my mom joked that I was their mother, the way I acted with them.

But I can't help it! They're precious to me… I don't want anyone to get hurt.

So here I am, sitting alone outside the front gates of Balamb Garden, my chin tucked in my knees. Chris was sparring with Sarah's bother Leon while Sarah herself was on stand-by with a med kit. Those two had a tendency to get a little out of hand when sparring. I didn't like the large halls of Garden or the training grounds so I came out here. There is a little flower garden outside the gates; carnations and roses of many colors blooming in a small, wild patch. The groundskeeper had yet to discover it; when he does, it will be torn down. It made me sad, thinking of such a pretty little arrangement of flowers, hidden from sight, being torn apart just because it didn't look at clean and cut out as the rest of the Garden.

"What are you doing over here all alone?" Came a familiar voice from behind me.

I jumped like a little child just caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Heat rushed to my face as I swung around to see a tall many in front of me. He wore black pants and white tank-top with a black vest over it. His arms were covered with black fishnets, both his wrists had white wristbands. The man's hair was a dark, dark brown and his eyes of a similar shade, but lighter and welcoming. He had the look of someone untamed, wild, yet still handsome and serious.

It wasn't until I saw the necklace around his neck did I know who it was. Hanging from a silver chain was an intricate silver pendant bearing a roaring lion. I was speechless, shocked at being caught by the _leader of the SeeD_, "…"

"What, shy?" A small smile broke out across his features. He walked over beside me and sat down before I could stop him, "How about I keep you company. What's your name? Mine's Mitsuru Leonhart." Of course I knew who he was, though I had only ever seen him in uniform and from far away. A Leonhart was always the leader of the SeeD; ever since Sorceress Ultimecia's downfall. Technically it is whomever is appointed by the headmaster to be leader, but as of yet the chain has never been broken. Not for hundreds of years.

"… I… I'm…" I looked down at my hands, my face still red from being caught; I should actually be training with the others right now, "Seraphim… Seraphim Kramer."

"Ahh, I see…" Mitsuru chuckled slightly, shaking his head, "So you're Headmaster Alphonse's granddaughter. He told me you'd graduated; never told me you were such a cute little thing. How long have you been going here?"

My face flushed even darker at being called 'cute'. Leon was the only one who has ever called me that; and he doesn't really count, being a… player… and all, "S-since I was little…"

"Really? Hmm…" Mitsuru's eyebrows pulled together, "I wonder why I've never run into you before. Anyway, you should hear the Headmaster go on about you, Sera!"

That threw me off. My grandfather is so cold to me… he doesn't like me at all. In fact, I've always thought he hated me because he didn't like mom. And that name, Sera… only Heather, my best friend, had ever called me Sera. Did he know her? "My… my grandfather? He… doesn't like me though."

"Now where'd you get that idea?" Mitsuru laughed under his breath, smiling down at me, "He absolutely _adores_ you. You should've heard him go on about you when you graduated to SeeD on your first try!"

"A-are we talking about the s-same man?" Curse my stuttering…

"The headmaster of Balamb Garden, Alphonse Kramer, right?" I nodded slightly and he smiled again, "See? Sure, he may seem cold to you, but that's only politics. He doesn't want it to seem like he's favoring you at all; but when it's just him, me, and the other SeeD captains, you're all he'll talk about. Serious granddaughter complex, if you ask me."

"Really?"

He laughed louder this time and I couldn't help but giggle a bit myself. It was like his mirth was infectious; no wonder he was our leader, "Yeah, that man's crazy when he can actually be himself. But enough about Al, I want to know about you. Al and Heather have told me all about you."

"H-Heather?" I asked, puzzled. So he _did_ know her, "How do you know Heather?"

"She's the Sorceress-in-Training, remember?" Mitsuru said as if I was missing something important. When I sat there, blinking stupidly, he sighed, "I'm the SeeD Commander, she's the next Sorceress. Get it yet?"

Then it hit me; of _course_ they knew each other. A Sorceress always needs her knight to keep her sane. A knight to stand by her and protect her sanity so she won't become Ultimecia. The position of knight customarily goes to the SeeD Leader.

"So… you're is to be Heather's Knight…" I said slowly, looking down at the few little flowers.

"Yeah…" Did he sound somehow… regretful? I looked up at him, tilting my head to the side slightly. Shouldn't he be happy to be the Knight? He would have an easy life then, together with his Sorceress. "You know… if it was my choice, I wouldn't be the leader at all."

"What?" My eyes widened and I quickly swung around, making sure no one was around to hear what he just said. The SeeD Leader doesn't want to be the leader? But Mitsuru was a great leader… we haven't lost a single SeeD since he was in charge. And he would be the Sorceress's Knight, the greatest position next to the SeeD Leader. He would be both, and was a Leonhart to boot! The Leonharts… the blood of the great heroes Squall and Rinoa run through his veins… why wouldn't he want this?

Mitsuru's smile began to grow a sad edge, "I don't want to be the leader. All the pressure… all the bullshit politics, all this predestined, 'Fated Children' crap… it's not what I want." He sighed and laid back in the grass, staring up at the cloudless sky, "I don't know why I'm telling you this. Maybe it's because I feel like I already know you so well from Heather and Headmaster Alphonse. They both know how I feel about the whole thing. I just want to be free, but this name… _Leonhart_, it traps me. Traps me in a cage where all the important decisions about my life are made for me. You ever feel like that?"

I shook my head. Honestly, I though it would be great to be in his position. To be the leader of such a noble, powerful, amazing group such as SeeD, "I don't get it."

"I want to be someone's Knight because I love them," Mitsuru sighed, raising one arm above his head, stretching for the sky, "I want to be free to go where I want, to be _selfish_ sometimes. What about you?" He turned his head to look at me, "Why did you want to be SeeD? You had a choice; in fact, I hear you actually fought with the headmaster over wether or not you should be accepted into Garden." He chuckled at this and I sighed.

"I want to help people," I said simply. That was always my goal, to help anyone out any way I could, "Bring people happiness. I want to be strong so I can make people happy."

"Happiness, huh?" Mitsuru's voice deepened. He sighed and flipped up to his feet, turning to look down at me. His expression was saddened, tormented somehow. It made my heart ache just seeing it. He almost looked like he wanted to say something to me, but thought better of it and just turned, starting to walk away. "Take care of those flowers, Sera. If you do, I'll take you to see a bigger field someday."

* * *

"Are you done yet, Heather?" I asked quietly, waiting outside the bathroom. It was a few days since my run in with Mitsuru and now Heather and I were getting ready for the celebration for new SeeDs. It was a traditional ballroom dance, as usual, and I was just in my SeeD uniform that they had given me earlier today.

Heather came running out of the bathroom, screaming at the top of her lungs, "JUST A MINUTE!" as she dashed for her closet. She ripped a pair of shoes out and swung around, looking like Bahamut was on her tail. Her shirt, dirty blonde hair was frazzled on one side, half straightened on the other. Half of her make-up was on, and the back of her long, teal dress had yet to be zipped up. But the moment she saw me, Heather ran for me within a split second.

"What are you doing, Sera?!" She scolded me, tugging at my SeeD lapel, "Why're you wearing your SeeD uniform?"

"Be-because I'm supposed to…" I said slowly, looking down at my feet.

She giggled, "So? Live for yourself, Sera! I'm gonna make you gorgeous for Mitsuru tonight!"

"Wh-what?!" My eyes widened, but she was already gone, back into the bathroom. I shouted after her, "What are you talking about?!" And heard her laughing from the other side.

"Sera, come _on_," Heather laughed from the other side of the door, "Al and I have told him so much about you that the man's been dying to meet you for years! He's practically in love with you!"

My eyebrows disappeared into my hair. What was she talking about, Mitsuru being in love with me? We just met! "Wh-what do you mean?"

"Al didn't want you two to meet, so that's why you didn't until a few days ago," Heather explained when she came out again, miraculously completely done with her dress, hair, and make-up in such a short amount of time. She dashed for her closet again, rummaging through it like a thief looking for her treasure, "But I've told him everything about you; even showed him the videos and pictures I've stored up! Being the only real friend I have left because of who I'm supposed to become next year, I always talked about you. Aha!" She pulled out a modest little cream colored dress. A wicked smile spread across her features as Heather pounced on me, tackling me to her bed. I knew what was coming next; that dress was for me.

"H-Heather, I'm su-supposed to wear-" My pleas fell on deaf ears. In record time, Heather stripped me down to my underwear and forced the dress over my head. After wrestling the dress on me, she forced my long, scraggly brown hair straight and clean. Next was caking on that horrid substance called 'make-up' all over my face, then giving me her jewelry to wear. Before I knew what had happened, by SeeD uniform was in a bundle on the floor and I was being pushed out the door by Heather in her little cream dress. "H-Heather, what if grandfather gets mad at me?"

"Tell him I made you do it," She said simply, pulling me down the hallway.

"B-but-"

"No buts, Sera!" Heather whirled on me, her face alight with mirth, "You are to supposed to look stunningly gorgeous at least once in your life! Let it be tonight, m'kay?" And with that astonishing statement, she half-dragged me through the halls of Garden towards the ballroom. Once there, Heather thrust the doors open and strode inside, tugging me along behind her.

The ballroom was a myriad of dancing bodies and music. Some were at the refreshments, others just cooling themselves off on the giant balcony outside. Streamers and other party decorations were scattered everywhere and in the back of the room was a large stage. I could make out Leon and Chris in the band, of course; Sarah had forced them into it when her original band bailed out. Sarah had always been rather… forceful. They looked like they were having fun on stage, though.

And below them, in a pit partially hidden under the main stage was the orchestra from Esthar. The President had sent then here as a gift to the new SeeD. They were on break, which is why Leon, Chris, and the others in their little group were playing.

"Sera!" I swung around just in time to see Sarah swoop me up into a big hug. Her curly brown hair was pulled up into a bun on her head, but it didn't detract from her happy-go-lucky attitude. At her side was Irina, Leon's new girlfriend. Actually, his first real serious girlfriend… if I didn't know better, I would think he had run out of women to womanize and finally thought about getting a real girlfriend. Sarah set me down and smiled over at Heather knowingly. It turned to look at her, seeing a mischievous smile on her face. Looking back at Irina, I could see it there as well.

Just what were they planning?

"So you got her into the dress, Heather?" Irina said in her thick Galbadian accent, a faint smirk crossing her otherwise serious features.

"Yeah; forced her into it is more like," Heather chuckled, hugging me from behind, "So, I'd say it was a success."

"Good…" Sarah added, "Now let's enact stage two, ladies." With that, Irina and Sarah disappeared into the dancing crowd. I swung around to ask Heather what they were talking about, only to see her gone too. My eyebrows came together in confusion. What kind of plan were they talking about? Had they set me up for something?

Oh, did I know so little…

Leon and Chris stopped playing and the orchestra picked up again. It was a nice waltz, but seemed somehow familiar. I tried to find my way out of the crowd, but only succeeded in getting tossed around a lot and ending up more confused then before. Then a hand fell on my shoulder and I jumped, swinging around to run right into someone in a dark SeeD uniform.

I looked up at felt like I would combust from embarrassment. Mitsuru had a hand on my shoulder and was chuckling lightly at my antics. I tried to pull away, but his grip tightened.

"C… Commander Leonhart?" I asked formally, looking up at him in confusion.

"Mitsuru," He said simply, "My name is Mitsuru, Sera. Now… would the best looking girl here care to dance with me?"

Dance? With him? But there's no way that Heather had danced with him yet, and since she is the next Sorceress and he the next Knight, is was customary that they share the first dance at all balls. Is this what the others had planned? My eyes widened and I couldn't help but let a little gasp escape as the full realization of their ploy hit me.

My dress was short and cream, not that complicated.

Mitsuru wore his SeeD uniform, as did the rest of them (except me).

This is the SeeD Inauguration Ball.

_The song playing is Waltz to the Moon._

They had planned this… no likely going to the stage to signal the orchestra to start playing. And now here I was, in Mitsuru's arms, with him asking me to dance. I just stared, somewhat dumbfounded, until he repeated his question. I shook my head, looking down at my feet, "I… I can't though. I don't know how to dance."

"Weren't you taught in school?" He asked, his smile widening even furthers.

"I was bad at it; I have two left feet…"

"It's okay, come on."

"B-but-"

"It's all in the leading; you'll be fine!" Mitsuru pulled me through the crowds to the middle of the ballroom. When he stopped, I ran into him, causing a chuckle to escape the Commander. He turned around and directed me where to put my hands, cutting off any objections I had. Mitsuru put one hand on my waist and the other in my own hand. Once done with that, he smiled reassuringly down at me, "Okay then, just follow my lead."

I wasn't joking when I said I have two left feet. He chuckled every time I started apologizing profusely for stepping on his feet or every time I tried to run away he would always pull me back. We ran into a few couples, who were mad at first but upon seeing who they had just run into, began apologizing to Mitsuru instead. We were getting stares from people, and I suddenly felt self-conscious about the whole thing. What was I doing here?

My face was beet red, my pulse rate through the roof. I could feel my heart beating against my ribcage, as if it would suddenly burst out.

For every mistake I made, Mitsuru was there to reassure me and get me to try again. He kept at it, and I noticed that the song was being played again. Heather's doing, no doubt. Mitsuru twirled me around and I gradually stopped stepping on his toes every other second. Before I knew what had happened, I found myself _enjoying_ the dance, laughing along with Mitsuru and every mistake we made, at every time we ran into another couple.

"Okay, are you ready?"

"R-ready?" I asked, confused. Mitsuru nodded and stopped dancing, backing up a few steps but keeping our hands together. When I tried to follow, he halted me with his hand. What was he doing?

Then I heard it. The part we were at in the second play of the song. My eyes widened and Mitsuru's smile grew to match, "M-Mitsuru, I… I don't know this part!"

"It's okay, just follow what I do," He said reassuringly.

The dance started, and I followed his lead. We danced and twirled around each other to the beat of the music, losing ourselves in that moment. For the first time since he pulled me out onto the dance floor, I didn't mess up once. When he extended his hand for me, I was ready. When he twirled me around, I didn't lose my balance and run into anyone.

His smile, his happiness, was contagious. I felt a small, content smile creep it's way onto my features, where it would stay for the rest of the night. Towards the end of the song, I curled in towards him and found myself flush up against him. His smile was small as he laid his forehead against mine. The two of us stayed like that for a moment before a loud bang made me squeak. Mitsuru chuckled, looked and pointed up with our clasped hands and I followed his gaze to see the fireworks being let loose. They were beautiful, and I felt my expression soften and the heat finally begin to leave my cheeks as I watched them.

We danced all night, never taking a break for anything. I could feel everyone's eyes on us, questioning, but for the first time in my life I didn't care. I was having fun, I was being myself, and Mitsuru's tormented expression from before seemed like a ghost of the past. He was happy, and that made me happy.

As long as I could see his smiling face, I was more then content.

* * *

**Author's Note:** How was that? This chapter is a couple months old, and all I fixed was some of the grammar mistakes, unlike with the prologue, which I rewrote entirely. The irony of Heather's name is that she was originally named after the character from Silent Hill, but at a convention a few weeks ago I actually became friends with a girl named Heather. She was cosplaying Zidane, and I was Garnet. I almost changed her name, but I am too lazy to change it in everything. I hope she won't mind if she ever reads this. xD

**CHAPTER TWO PREVIEW**

_"What is this place?"_

_"I told you I would take you to see a bigger flower field someday, didn't I?"_

_"But isn't this…"_

_"Yeah, it is… hey, let's make a promise, Sera."_

_"A promise?"_

_"Like my ancestors did here so long ago…"_


End file.
